Lifesavers and Other Stories from the Icelands

This was my FB post this morning:

Today's Goal: STAY WARM.

Forget fashion or even business casual.

This is a wool sock, mulit-layer, puffy sweater day.

Yes, I look like a walking pack of lifesavers (my warmest sweater has bold, horizontal stripes of color), but I will survive the cold car-cold air-cold room-cold air-cold car-cold air routine of the day.

AND if any child decides to resort to violence today, I am well protected.

My job is to travel from school to school in a three county area to work with preschoolers who have behavior challenges.  This is a fun and interesting job, EXCEPT when the windchill is below zero. 

Then traveling is just wrong.

First let me explain my attire. 

I am sporting a wool, 3/4 sleeve, kimono style sweater with horizontal stripes.

Each stripe is a jewel tone (I know-the 80's want their sweater back) topped with a cowel neck.

I have mulitple layers beneath this lovely sweater and no, I'm not taking a picture....this sweater may become a pillow in another blog.

I truly look like a roll of lifesavers. 

Not the trim, original package, but the gummy style...including rolls and loose packaging.

Apparently, the ongoing cold weather makes small children as grouchy as their adult counterparts.

I spent some full-contact time with a three year old in the quiet area.

He clocked me a few times. I am usually more adept at warding off blows.

I blame the layers...they slowed my Ninja reflexes.

Fortunately, I was well insulated.

I am sad to report that tomorrow's forecast includes a morning windchill around -30.

I am not sure a human can survive in such temperatures, but apparently bad behavior can . 

So off to work I will go....

Do remember when you were a kid and moon boots were in style and full body snow suits?

Remember how you could put your arms down to your side and if you tried they bounce back like a spring due to all the insulation in your suit? 

Remember how your scarf would smother your face but your mom had tied it in the back of your head and you couldn't move it because of the limited range of motion in your arms?

Remember the icicles that formed at each nostril?

How about the hat that rested on your eyes so you could see only the lower half of your surroundings?

How about falling down? All you could do is thrash around like an overturned bug until someone came and pulled you up by your zipper toggle?

 And you came up in one complete piece, like a board because your moon boots did not allow your legs to bend and your coat was so stiff with insulation that your arms didn't move?

Well...now imagine a nearly 40 year old woman doing traveling consultations in -30 windchill weather. 

So, if you see a LARGE, puffy grey mass rolling down the highway don't let it alarm you.

It will just be me traveling to my next school.

See, I won't be able to bend to sit in my vehicle so I'll just have Tony give me a kick in the general direction of Cedar county and hope my roll carries me to my desired destination.

This is me in Alaska-in January-a few years back. It was warmer there than in Iowa :(

People think that because I hail from Minnesota I should find it balmy in Iowa.

I understand that my 75% Scandinavian heritage should give me some special protection from the cold.

I realize that my general appearance would support a northern climate.

Yes, my skin is SOOOO white I make zombies jealous.

I realize my intolerance of heat and sun which results in heat exhaustion and bed rest would make you think I long for the cold.

But.....I abhor winter in Iowa.

The shoveling, de-icing, cold, heat bills, scraping windows, waiting for car heaters to warm up, etc.